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Sex and the Gods of Online Promoting

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Anytime I mention my occupation to a non-wired particular person, it appears to produce the very same response:

“Is not there an awful lot of porn on the net?”

The query floats toward me like a smoke ring and types a halo about my face, framing me as a pornographer, nymphomaniac, and all-round corrupter of innocence.

I count on that from my mother, but it really is not the public image I strive to cultivate. I by no means have a fantastic response prepared.

“Hmmm,” I nod coquettishly, “I will have to appear into that.”

The subtext of my vapid reply could be “Yes, the world-wide-web is a contemporary-day Gomorrah and I am in it up to my quivering loins,” or, “I genuinely have not heard that, but I am so pathetically really hard-up that I am gonna race proper dwelling and appear.”

Neither is what I imply to convey, but the truth is almost certainly just as perverse…

I’ve by no means genuinely looked into sex on the net.

I constantly strategy to, but I by no means do. I feel I’ve constantly been extremely nervous about what I could discover. Who knows? Perhaps I myself would turn into corrupted – lured into the nether regions of psycho-sexual depravity and cyber-sensual abandon… by no means, maybe, to return.

(I shudder at the believed… quite a few occasions.)

Nicely, that sort of cloistered naiveté is fine when you happen to be just peddling application and minding your personal enterprise, but now that I am prancing about like an e-advertising and marketing guru, I no longer have the luxury of ignoring so huge and infamous a element of our venue.


I have shifted into my Lara Croft/Wonder Lady Intrepid Female Explorer persona and I am now going to commence my Conradian trek into the internet’s dark interior.

Want me luck. Right here goes…

Okay, I am back. Thanks for waiting. I am ready to report now.

Yep, it appears that there IS some sexual content material on the world-wide-web. (Drink, please.) Rather a lot, in reality. (Make it a double.) Funny I by no means noticed just before. (Is it warm in right here?) Truly, it really is wonderful there is space for something else. (WHERE’S THAT FREAKIN’ DRINK!?)

Here’s what I discovered…

I can by no means don my Lara Croft/Wonder Lady alter-ego once more now that I’ve observed them locked with each other in in a bout of no-holes-barred lovemaking.
Acts I look at sexually intense and taboo, several individuals look at warm-up.
I will by no means use a public restroom or altering space once more. I will by no means put on a skirt in public once more. I will by no means appear at several salad components the very same way once more.
Specific professions really should strictly enforce a significantly earlier mandatory retirement age.
Anything is a sex toy to an individual… Anything.
I discovered Howard Sprague’s private diary on the internet. Goober and Floyd I constantly suspected, but Otis, Barney, how could you?
Bondage is a cottage business. I am not positive what BDSM is, but it appears fairly damn uncomfortable.
I accidentally discovered how Vinnie, my pizza delivery kid, created ends meet just before landing his present gig.
Some factors are far better left unshaven.
She-males are the damnedest factor considering that Mike the Headless Chicken.
THE GODS OF Online Promoting

Adult web site marketers are the most in-your-face, take-no-prisoners, knock-down drag-out rock ‘n roll marketers on earth. If I could sell application the way they sell sex, I’d be living on my personal island.


Frankly, I extremely significantly oppose adult content material on the world-wide-web. I feel it really should be legislated out of existence. Here’s why:

Sex is the fire in the belly of civilization. If we let it to turn into so commonplace that absolutely everyone provides up the hot and frenzied pursuit of it, then humanity will just go sit on the couch and watch pro wrestling. And then exactly where will we be?

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